Married Sex

I actually posted this a long time ago on my myspace blog, but I got so many views that I thought I would post it here too.

Okay, so now that I've got your attention. I have come to the realization, after four years of marriage, that there are 4 different kinds of married sex. And yes, non-married people can expeirence some of them but not to the same degree. Sorry, in some ways that sucks for you, but trust me in other ways you have the upper hand. (Not that I promote pre-marital sex)

1.) Sweet (romantic) Sex
Sweet sex is the kind you have on your wedding night, or after watching a romantic movie. It's slow, and candlelit, it's the kind where when it's over you finish with a hundred tiny kisses place anywhere and everywhere. Sweet sex is wonderful, it's the kind that they always show in movies.

2.) Dirty Sex
This is pretty much self-explanitory. It's Dirty! The great thing about married dirty sex is there is NO guilt afterwards. You can go have breakfast with your parents afterwards or take the kids to the park. This is the kind of sex that you have first thing in the morning after a "great" dream or in the car during a traffic jam. At some point everyone should have the dirty sex, it's not for the everyday but it makes the everyday so much better.

3.) Obligatory Sex
I really only think women expierence this. Men are always game. Unfortunately, for us married women we do know when sex is required of us. This includes anniversary's, birthdays, holidays, basically anytime your husband puts time, energy, and money into an occasion. The trick I have learned is to just have it at the begining of the evening, then you can just relax and enjoy the night without every comment they make being a sexual inuendo to how the date should finish. They go around with a goofy grin, you both have the after sex glow (great for pictures), and you are both totally relaxed. The only problem with this is the dinner bill, you will have worked up an appetite, so you're gonna order more.

4.) Procreational Sex
This is pretty much the only kind of sex that is just for married people. It's awesome! I say that because it is sweet and dirty all at the same time. Sweet because you are both deciding to bring another life into the world, dirty because you are finally totally "unencumbered" (if you know what I mean). To quote my fav. preacher this is when you become a "co-creator" with God. There is no other activity on earth where you are taken in partnership with God and it is so cool!

Okay, so there is it, married sex in all it's glory. The best thing is it never gets boring. It's alway changing and always wonderful. Even the obligational sex become fun because you know that the evening ahead will be totally worth it. So to all the marriage nay sayers out there who fear the stagnant life of wedded bliss, never fear, marriage life is good! And married sex is even better!